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Lost...

Do you ever feel lost? I'm feeling a little lost right now. What am I aspiring to? What do I want my life to be? I think that's a bit normal with people my age. We have this need to get things done and catch up with each other; we're on a hurry to grow. While simultaneously knowing the chances of us having a "succesful" life are slim now a days. When did success become all about hustling and side hustling? And when did that side hustle involve becoming famous instantly? Being glued to social media in a "notice me" attempt to go viral. Or hoping to get lucky and get your 15 seconds of fame. I suppose the people who have those seconds live every day trying to maintain them, fearful of being forgotten before they got the level of success they want. But is there ever really a goal level for them? Or do they want more once they reach it? To be honest with you guys, I abhor the idea of having to work minimum dead end jobs for the rest of my life. But it has become apparent that that's the way to survive now-a-days. I opened an etsy to share my art, in an attempt to do something I love while making it a "side hustle". But I'll be honest: it feels like a waste of time now. Not because I haven't sold much, but because I need to promote all day every day. And, as it has become evident, I don't know how or wish to do that. I'm not naive either, I understand that's how you get people to see your product. That's how you become "succesful". I understand that. I also understand that, in order to live, I had to get a job I absolutely hate so I can eat and live at my home. The home I've created with the love of my life and wouldn't want to lose. That job leaves me with about a day of free time. And while some people find social media fun and I do too, the idea of spending my one day just "hustling" and posting stuff physically aches me. Even this blog, which I was excited about, has become difficult to maintain, because time. Time is not enough. But at the same time, I wish I didn't spend (waste) all my time being unhappy in a job. A job I need. So I feel lost. 2021 was meant to be my year. I was excited about it. But I think the reality of my life and of the world are catching up to me.


I want to apologize if I've wasted anyone else's free time, because I know how precious free time is. I see you guys checking my blog and I'm so honored you dedicate just a little time to me. You guys keep me even a tiny bit motivated. I won't shut down the blog, it's a good way to get thoughts out and see you guys interact with me. I'm just a little lost right now. Hopefully I'll find a path soon.


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