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It's my birthday today.

I'm a december baby.

It's my favorite month.

A joyous occasion.

Or at least it should be.

So why is it so hard to feel happy?

Amidst the loneliness of a pandemic,

Missing the people I wish were close, but aren't,

I just can't seem to find my happiness today.

I love the few people I can see

And I know they are enough

But I wish I had my dad here

I wish I had my brothers here

I wish I could hug and kiss my family

I wish I could see them Christmas day

And open presents all together

I wish this whole year hadn't felt like a wasted year

I feel like turning 25 isn't even joyful anymore.

It was exciting last year

But now I just don't even want to celebrate.

I look at the time and it just keeps extending itself.

I wish I could make it stop or skip to the next chapter.

I don't like this chapter; too long.

I just....wish it wasn't such a blue christmas.