I'm sorry, guys. I don't have words of encouragement today. It's a very low day emotionally. I haven't let it stop me, though, I've been actively trying to keep doing stuff because there's stuff that needs to be done, but I feel like I'm in a bottomless pit with nowhere to go. Like I'm quickly losing motivation to even try to climb out.
I just feel like writing today. I'm finding it hard to find motivation to keep...you know...living life. Not that I want to die, it's nothing like that (but if you feel like that, I'm here if you need someone to listen. Reach out to someone).
I look at the mess all around me from the move and I don't want to move. But I don't want to live here either. I just....don't want. I'm just lost. I feel very much numb, but at the same time, everything hurts me. I'm starting to dislike my job, which was a job I was loving. Every little thing annoys me. I feel like I'm too big for that job and I'm settling. But it's not time to look for another job, because money is a thing needed to live. So I go to work, feeling half alive and still try my best to be the best employee I can. Which, in my opinion, is more than they deserve. (By they, I mainly mean my coworkers. The company is actually not that bad).
As the walls grow more barren, I feel more claustrophobic. I feel alone. I feel I don't matter to people. People don't even hear me anymore. Am I even real at this point?
I know that sounded very emo and cringey to you guys, but it's the only way I know how to express what's going through my spirit right now. Nothingness.
To anyone who does read this (as I will not be sharing it on social media), I am okay right now. I'm not in danger of anything, I haven't even considered the action.
And I know it's ok and normal to have low days. It just seems that the low days are starting to outweight the high days.
I just....am not. I feel kind of ghosty.
Anyways...I just needed to get that out, I guess. Back to packing. Off to the new adventure....thanks for reading.